cast
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Seth MacFarlane
Ted (voice) / Bill Clinton (uncredited)
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Max Burkholder
John Bennett
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Alanna Ubach
Susan Bennett
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Scott Grimes
Matty Bennett
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Giorgia Whigham
Blaire Bennett
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Ara Hollyday
Andrew
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Liz Richman
Polly
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Marissa Shankar
Sarah
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Penny Johnson Jerald
Principal Bernard
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Charly Jordan
Sheila Borgwort
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Ian McKellen
Narrator (voice)
- Gail Goldberg Gert Fechko
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Erin Moore
Jessica
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Francesca Xuereb
Erin
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Julius Sharpe
Phone Voice (American Airlines) (voice) / Wardrobe Assistant #2 (V.O.) (voice) / Mr. George
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Don Lake
Bert
- Jack Seavor McDonald Clive
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Chelsea Davison
Brenda / Nurse (voice)
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Evan Hannemann
Sean
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Dana Gould
Priest
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Danny Jolles
Will
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Tim Russ
ER Doctor
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Rachael MacFarlane
Pre-Recorded Voice On Phone (voice) / Operator
- Michael Gunning Cameron
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Mike Henry
Bank Employee
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Milan Anderson
Cupcake
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Shannon Dee
Peaches
- Claire Dellamar Beef Stroganoff
- Alexander G. Eckert Kyle
- Arthur Gazarian James
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John Viener
Dr. Frankel
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Audrey Wasilewski
Muriel
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Kelsey Peterjohn
Employee
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Walker Satterwhite
Kid
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Danny Smith
Anesthesiologist (voice)
- Dustin Wayne Mike
- Jacob Zelonky Derek
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Marc Jablon
Restaurant Manager
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JD Cullum
Lloyd
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Chris Coppola
Video Store Clerk
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Tom Costello
Coach
- Jim Kane Video Store Clerk
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Connor Keene
Waiter (Kevin)
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Julie Burrise
Porn Star Girl
- Austin Nash Chase Basketball Player (Hampton)
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James Coker
Middle-Aged Guy
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Preston García
Rusty
- Harrison Harvey Waiter (Brad)
- Liam Manfredonia Porn Star Guy
- Paul Vato Lonely-Looking Dude
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Brendan Jennings
Ostrich Owner
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Josh Stamberg
Professor Lucas Damon
- Aiden Arnold Scott Hamilton Kid
- Reyna Calvillo Paige
- Damian Cecere Irish Springs Announcer
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Indiana Elle
Belle Kid
- Cash Handal Barney Kid
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Dean Hermansen
Sixteen-Year-Old Boy
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Mara Hernandez
College Girl #3
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Courtney Lin
College Girl #2
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Sarah Jane MacKay
Alana
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Michael Mourra
Batman Kid
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Romyn Smith
Hulk Kid
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Kimberly Woods
College Girl #1
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Ivar Brogger
Father Odell
- Bobby Strom Dennis (voice)
- Donna Medine Choir Member
- Tracey Stephens Church Goer
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Jason Kravits
Mr. Maynard
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Paul Schackman
Sandy
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Charlotte Fountain-Jardim
Betheny Borgwort
- Jeff Bottoms News Anchor
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Steve Callaghan
Pharmacy Employee
- A.J. Rafael Deejay
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Scott Michael Campbell
Bernie Bennett
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Peter Macon
Avery Lawrence
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Mela Lee
Candy (voice)
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Julie Nathanson
Shauna (voice)
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Amanda Rea
Woman in 1-900-1HOT-BUTT Commercial
- Adam Navas Prison Guard
- Darrin Revitz Phone Sex Operator (voice)
- Jordan Jarvis Boy #1
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Sam Coffelt
Boy #2
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Allison Gold
Girl #1
- Chelsea Campbell Girl #2
- Lauren Quinn Party Girl #1
- Sydney Gates Party Girl #2
- Claire DeJean Party Girl #3
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Michaela McManus
Charlotte Robicheck
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Ross Partridge
David Robicheck
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Brett Rickaby
Dr. C. Lukert
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Jessica Lundy
Arlene Goldbaum
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Eve Sigall
Elderly Woman
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Brennan Lee Mulligan
Chris
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Derek Mears
Dral'hul
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Martin Klebba
Gnomish Merchant
- Matt Gottlieb Cultist
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Matthew Haddad
Brent
-
Sebastian Schier
Ken
- Alexander Vogt Wendall
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Jared Wernick
Lewis
-
Quinn Sullivan
Chris' Mom
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John Orr
Hooded Man
- Andre Hotchko Gus
- Dak-Navarro Ogre
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Eric Artell
Elf Bartender
-
Susan Segal
Demon's Mom (V.O.) (voice)
- Taylor Sieve Statue #1
- Natalya Z Statue #2
- Juliet Fischer Statue #3
- Bella Bernath Statue #4
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Brooke Dillman
Mildred Crohn
- Joe Moran Waiter
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Matthew Bellows
Mr. Donnelly
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Tom Plumley
Ricky
-
Jordan Matlock
Employee
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Nicola Lambo
Supervisor
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Alec Sulkin
Jurgis
- Erin Elizabeth Coleman Customer
-
Colin McGurk
Customer #2
- Erik Hylko Wardrobe Assistant
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Nicholas Azarian
Kenneth
-
Damon K. Sperber
Other Dad
-
Robert DuBois
Secret Service Agent
-
Evan Jachelski
Jock #2
- Spencer Hunt Stagehand
-
Ralph Garman
Voice of Stagehand (voice)
-
David Valdes
Male Customer
-
Armando Ortuño
Jock (uncredited)
-
Charlene deGuzman
Emily (V.O.) (voice)
-
Matthew Holcomb
Angry Protestor
-
Casey Williams
Receptionist
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Noah Kaye Bentley
Joel
-
Sophie Swiszcz
College Girl
- Adargiza De Los Santos Bitch Killer
-
Asha Etchison
Half Foot
-
Jen Kober
Guard
- Josh Archer Officer
-
Phil Abrams
Judge Likins
-
Cali Morales
69
-
Wilma Rivera
Gungina
-
Julie Goldman
FedEx
-
Jeremy Ratchford
Bartender
-
Michael Patrick McGill
Bar Patron
-
Ashley Gibson
Reporter
-
Vincent Washington
Guy #1
-
Kelcey Watson
Guy #2
-
Elizabeth Pan
Nurse
-
Ellen Haun
Mom
- J. D. Ingram Nathan
-
Nik Dodani
Nimeet Farooq
- Beth Berlin Waitress
